Summa Cum Laude

Summa cum laude, smarty pants, slit wrists, won’t learn my lesson, 

Bleeding out, don’t stitch me up; destruction is perfection,

Please choke me with his gentle hands, gag on his intentions, 

Lover girl, cruel world, live for lust, not soul connection,

Soft pale skin, mini skirt, full metal jacket for protection,       

So what I keep on trying to suck love from an erection?

He’s telling me that on my knees is the prettiest reflection,

Gaze up at him adoringly, disgusted, perpetual perplex-ion,

After all, aren’t we the same, like pain mirrors affection? 

His cold dead eyes on my pale thighs, I beg for his attention,

Sticks and stones, please break my bones, wretched, worship imperfection.

Ironically, he is both lock and key, my hell and my ascension.

Megan Forrest

The Beast

I dress up like an angel just to  undress him,  

So good at seduction, can’t interpret affection, 

With each one before, intentionally misrepresented, 

Entrapped in my guilt, engrossed, procuring perfection,  

Barr bodies entwined just a distraction of self,

I know who I am, damned if I let anyone else,

Emotions are playthings, placed high on a shelf,

Writhing, wicked and worried, from love I rebel, 

I never reach tomorrow nor escape from today,

Cover tears, cover track marks, I am always okay,

Reform me, regret me, push me far away,

Medication and masks keep my demons at bay, 

Wasted and wounded, a wretched wench on my knees,

I am the courage in chaos, I’m the fight in the free, 

Lying naked with with him, I’m not hiding from me, 

My truth never leads him to where he shouldn’t be. 

Tormented and tainted, in that way we’re the same, 

Unforgiving, unworthy, we sink in the shame,

Filthy and faithless, so much dirt on my name, 

You know it so well, I don’t need to explain, 

The 9th gate leads directly, both Heaven and Hell, 

Waking up screaming, damn these demons can yell,

Deluded by dawn, deep in darkness we dwell, 

Betrayed the Beast, my sweet soul always for sale. 

DNR

I was created to be a lover in a wasteland of souls, 

My tits on his back can’t make him feel whole,

His touchz, his lips, burn me, set me on fire, 

His touch is not truth, fuck feelings, they lie, 

Beginning as friends, just confuses the facts,

He says that it’s him but I know it’s his mask, 

He’s worn it so long, does he know what is real? 

Run by his demons, determined he’ll fail, 

We find comfort in Hell, we don’t know how to trust,

Scratch my nails down his back, controlled by my lust, 

Conflicted and cold, won’t feel something again, 

Disconnected and bold, naked thoughts, skin on skin,

Crawling to him on hot coals, alive from the burn,

I give in, he gets lost, left me waiting for my turn,

Hypnotized by his voice and the taste of his tongue,

Loyal to only to pain, loaded, ready to run,

Soaked and stained by the past, our sins never come clean, 

Rip me to peiced, pronounced dead on scene. 

Disconnect

-Delusive-
People's minds and souls
-Weakness-
In thought and action
-Strength-
Words spoken without thought
Drowning in their shallowness
For they are many
Wrapped in a blanket of themselves
Not to be awakened
To the power of their words
Never to inspect them again
Endeavor to refrain from judgment
-Face-
-Value-
All they are worth

Megan Forrest

Undone

 Reflected recognition, parts of me in your eyes, 

Intense and intently you’re parting my thighs,

Falling for the freedom, feel me from inside, 

Forget all my fear, free the truth that I hide, 

Ravaged, reckless and wretched, so seductive and sweet,

Careful to be careless, our hearts may not meet, 

Dirty mouths and my moans muffle all doubt, 

Mesmerize me, patronize me, redemption sells out,

Fingertips forging fires, scratches slip down your spine,

Melting minds, bodies breathe,  intimately intertwined, 

Whatever you crave, crawl to you on my knees, 

Bring you to the brink, possess me as you please,

Pin me down, tie me up, erotic ruthless and rough,

On my long legs you linger, teased by each touch,

Taste myself on your lips, your soul under my tongue,

Inhaling my screams, I come, completely undone.

I understand the game, pain, disconnection, the whys,

On my soul, understand, you never needed to lie,

It’s not about what we say or we promise each other,

It’s about who’s by our side when it’s time to bury our mothers,

Who does not fear the silence if you don’t have the words,

Who can display they have heart, not just  pretend that they heard,

It’s who grabs onto your hand when the noose slips over your neck, 

Who challenges you to be better, who keeps your demons in check,

Who meets you on your knees when the pain makes you crawl,

Who pulls you out of the flames even when you lit up the walls, 

Who reminds you you’re gold when you don’t have a dime,

Who reels you back in when you’re losing in your mind,

Will they walk with you through hell to know your eyes and your soul,

Will they show you love even when you are cruel and cold, 

Do they talk to God about you while you sleep on their chest,

Do you trust them to be there when you force out the rest? 

Do they remain solid, up and down, through and through, 

Did you already know that the opposite is exactly what you’d do? 

When your two halves fight inside you, one truth, one liar,

Do you care that I suffer and burn after you set me on fire,

You run from yourself, numb with the bottle, her touch,

Keep settling for less, I’ll keep being love, keep being too much.

Confused by the way you smile when we,

Grab onto each other, like you almost feel free,

Always holding your breath like you’re under water,

Forget you’re a son of God and I am a daughter,

We come so close to destroying our demons,

Yet Fucking and fear won’t lead us to freedom, 

Feel you so deeply I believe it’s the truth,

Yet I felt the same way when I tightened that noose,

The rush of your skin when you slide right inside me,

You take all my pain, fuck me til I can’t see,

You stop holding your breath when my arms are around you, 

Like you’re finally home, can’t tell me that’s not true.

Collapse into me, my nails leave marks on your back,

We don’t rest when we’re wicked, I know this is fact. 

Wounds

Letter by letter, I hear the wounds echo,

Each tone rips me open, reverberating,

Each sound wave crashes against me, 

Revealing small tears in my unhealed past.

Places I believed I had walked through, 

Where reality shows me I was still frozen, 

Soul not yet ripened or willing to truly know, 

The kind of knowing by which shame is released.

Those parts of me recoil from the light, 

Sodden and heavy with false representation,

Of myself, of my beauty, of my lacking,

Of my ever lessening stain of self loathing.

Obsessive compulsion, to cleanse the soul,

Too fast, too often, too sterile, 

Unveiling an unattainable picture of what should have been,

What the soiled, sick nurture has said is so. 

Love is not sterile, nor is the truth,

Embracing, longing for what is raw real, 

Dirty, disheveled,  pride in reverse, 

Freedom, accompanying compliance with imperfection, 

Foreign feeling of radical, redeeming acceptance. 

Rejoicing in gifts of visceral, venerable pain, 

A novel conception of weathered old wounds, 

And the bitterness of unclenching a fist, 

Allowing recoil from familiar chaos,

Creating space between critical me and condemnation. 

Courage through the burgeoning unknown,

Uncovering the grace of surrender, 

Softening the nettling of new naked skin,

Skin that mends, not masks, magnificent echoing wounds. 

Megan Forrest

January 1, 2022

 My brain still speaks in rhymes inspired by you,

I can’t help what my heart is required to do,

My breath caught in my chest, crashed to my knees,

You ignore my existence, through this pen I bleed,

You said you’d always be there, always to listen,

I cry to deaf ears, your heart locked up like a prison,

These lines they fall empty, the words sound dull,

I’m crashing, my heart aches, you won’t break my fall,

I know your intentions filled to the brim with the best,

I’m tired, I’m screaming, someone else’s heads on your chest,

How could you reach for my voice each day,

Just to use me, refuse me, throw me the fuck away,

Rage seethes, I boil, calm and serene on the surface,

When will I learn the lesson, its not love if it hurts us,

I was selfish and smitten, I succumbed to your smile,

I said I’m not in love, my heart, littered with denial, 

If it was just supposed to be fucking and fun,

Why do you shut me out, why did you run?

I never asked you for more than you gave,

You certainly tied me up, made me Pain’s slave,

You’re body is steel, why is your courage so weak,

I am trying to release you, I scream in my sleep, 

Disheveled, deluded, imagination tricked me again,

Erasing your touch on my heart, alone with this pen. 

Dumb Blonde

Sultry sex to silent stress, 

A muse must make you crack and cry,

I fucking hate how fast I fell, 

My intellect does not mean I’m wise. 

Next boy never numbs the pain,

If another harlot would the halt the hurt,

My lips would wander around another,

My perfume pressed on someone else’s shirt.

You just taught me I’m not built like that,

I can’t bounce from chest to chest,

A painful lesson I’m still learning,

This darling’s disheveled and perplexed. 

I wish I was made slightly stronger,

That I had a heart of stone or lusted less,

I smiled when I moaned your name,

Now it’s sound delivers deep distress.

Next to you were the brightest days,

Regret and realization of time misspent, 

Feverishly I toil to fake no feelings,  

Knowing now how little that I meant,

I am the owner of all these open wounds,

Many fools would love to kiss,

Hopelessly haunted by your hands,

And the many signs I chose to miss. 

You quietly quelled my questions, 

Dumb blonde didn’t dare to doubt,

I am sick and you are sick of me, 

Withdrawals weaken me now I’m without.

That sweet strong grin can sucker punch,

The mischievous twinkle in his eyes,

They undressed me just the other day,

Unbeknownst to me, the last kiss was goodbye. 

In confusion, coerced chaos, raw to touch,

I’ve been here so many times before,

So familiar this ache of letting go,

So tired of my heart and head at war. 

Yet I know you owe me not single thing,

My sweet is never attached to payment or return,

I can’t help my heart is built to break, 

I get leveled each time it gets burned.