Today I Speak.

You know, as I have spent much time praying for all my friends right now who are hurting I feel that its time to say the things we all refuse to address. We are losing our friends, our brothers, our sisters, our parents, our children... To tragedy that has a very real but very preventable consequences. Addiction, alcoholism, depression, and mental illness. We choose to sweep these topics under the rug because while we're out smiling laughing drinking and having fun with the very same family members and friends, we do not go home with them to see the real consequences of our fun nights out and how the fun stops for many many people as soon as the lights go out and they are alone again. Sometimes we know they have a problem, yet instead of bringing it into the light we choose to ignore it and go have another drink with them. We ask them how they are but never stop to really listen to their answer. We expect them to pull themselves out of it, to toughen up, and tell them its really not that bad. I am here to tell you it really is that bad. It is not a matter of self pity and poor choices, although those do factor in at some point. But to save lives, the lives of the people we care so much about, yet really never take the time to truly check in with, to see if they really are okay, we have to ignore our bias and our judgment on their poor choices because when it gets to the end it is no longer choice for them no matter what their issue is. This is not a problem of an individual, it is a problem of the society that begins to normalize the behaviors that lead to such tragic consequences for some of our loved ones. Not everyone who suffers depression will die, not everyone who gets drunk on the weekends will be an alcoholic, not everyone who popped a pill or chooses to use an illegal substance will be an addict. But for those of us who do not respond the same way to drugs and alcohol and depression and mental illness as the average Joe, they fight themselves every day for their lives and the lives of those they love. I'm tired of watching my friends die and get sick and truly suffer. We can't save everyone, but we are all guilty of looking the other way and hoping that they will be ok the next day. We have to take accountability for our part in their own self destruction and know when to put the party on hold, and really rip open the wounds that are being covered up with drugs and alcohol and denial and pain so that we can all heal together. There is no easy solution. It is a long hard road. I know because I walk that path too. My own mental illness and struggles with covering up my pain have left me in some moments where I didn't know if I would live to see the next day and truly hoped I would not live to feel more pain and hopelessness. I am lucky because I found some amazing support from people I never expected to reach out and be here for me. I am living with joy I never thought possible, because even in my previous best days there was still that emptiness that consumed everything. Everyday I fight with an army of friends and family behind me who know me well enough to know when it's time to stop the party and check in, really check in with how each of us are doing and when someone is not doing well, we go to any lengths to ensure that each one of us wakes up the next day. We don't have to do it alone, but we can no longer look at this as someone else's problem. It is all of our problem, and together we are the solution.