It rattles like a freight train, 

A frantic fever burning in my head, 

With Lucifer I play a wait game, 

Before the rush I'm seeing red.

There seems to be no end in sight, 

Our body count begins to rise, 

This demon claws at me with all its might, 

Indecipherable, me from my disguise.

My escape, a quick and simple plan, 

Evade the darkness in my life,

With greed my soul it now demands,  

I must choose a needle or a knife. 

Disgusts me how I feel inside, 

The shame, the guilt, the fear,

Wasn’t it today we took that ride?

How did yesterday become a year?

I've told you how I'm oh so sorry, 

Over and again I pay this debt, 

They think my life's an endless party, 

Honest truth? It is just regret.

You don't believe I miss your smile, 

Matter of fact, I miss mine too, 

You see, its been missing for quite awhile, 

Sometimes I think it left with you.

I'm uncertain I've left any hope, 

My past overshadows the best in me,

Weary hands bleed, clinging to this rope,

Tomorrow remains impossible to see.

For you and I, I hate me just enough, 

Every day I struggle to forget why, 

I’m afraid and honesty is so tough,

I’m only safe within this lie.

To lie here in sweet silence, 

For a moment I escape the screaming in my soul, 

Did you know the Devil ain’t so good with guidance? 

Try to fill the void with another hole. 

Please don’t fret, do not waste worry, 

Tonight I am inside, and I’m not cold, 

For just today I don't have to hurry, 

Addiction has not yet killed my body,

It has only claimed my soul.

Megan J Forrest, 

March 13th, 2019

Push and pull my souls on fire,
My head spinning like a top,
My heart a book of matches,
Lit them one by one, you couldn't stop,
Appears to me with no regrets,
You and I went up in flames,
When you were cold I knelt by you,
Now you won't even say my name,
I wish I knew how to put us out,
Without burning with you to the ground,
I feel there's so much left to say,
Somehow I always seem to let you down,
My souls is shaken but I can't run,
I love to burn until I blister to the bone,
So much easier to save yourself,
Even by your side I see I was alone,
I don't think you'll come to rescue me,
Too hard to run while looking back,
I hear you like to play with hearts
I hope you burn mine until its black,
I hate the way I melt into your touch,
I admit I can't help but play with fire,
Been known to douse myself in kerosene,
So powerful the heat of this desire,
So hot we burn when our bodies collide,
Our passion set the world ablaze,
Now I choke on tears and smoke,
Left to smoulder in this haze,
I'm sorry I can be so reckless,
I never mean to incinerate my world,
I always believe fire is so simple,
Just a spark between a boy and girl.

Take whatever is left of me,
Please hold it in your heart,
I'm not quite sure what's left you see,
Been losing pieces from the start.
One by one, piece by piece,
For every wrong thing that I found,
Unknowingly my hands filled up,
Until shame matched me pound for pound.
I tried to hide it in my pockets,
I willed it not to make a peep,
We hid together quiet in the shadows,
Save for the screaming in my sleep.
Please don't stop to pity me,
Though lonely I've never been alone,
Always together, pain and me,
So long it kind of feels like home.
It lives right behind my biggest smile,
It's voice the echo of my laugh,
It holds me when I get too close,
To living in the present not my past.
I thought it left me a time or two,
So empty are my heart and hands,
Insidious it moved into my soul,
Doubt stole my best laid plans.
I heard somewhere I must unbecome,
Everything I think I am,
I must believe I can come undone,
However I'm not sure if I can.
There is no place like home,
Yet now I'm told I may have been misled,
Over the river and through the woods,
My path disappeared like crumbs of bread.
The fairy tales just aren't true,
My mother failed to mention that,
For even someone loves the witch,
Yet only wrote about her hat.
So maybe it's not about becoming something,
And when they tell the story of me,
Once upon a time she lost her fear,
Everything she never hoped to be.

1-9-21

Soulmate debut, fuck me once center stage, 

Smitten by stature, relaxed by your rage, 
Sun spoils the night, numb pleasure by pin, 

Insatiable hunger, echo empty, nothing within, 
Head halted in red, bet our souls all on black, 
Gaslighting love with the arch in my back,
Hoping hell hurts, constant counting on that,
Push harder, push faster, my heart beat feels flat,
I cough, sweet choking, we are healing and broken,
Do me, do nothing, so long as it rips me right open, 
Addicted to your anger, yell at me in your sleep,
Get off me, don't touch me, please pull me in deep,
Trace the tears on my cheek, leave me on scene, 
Whatever you want, I crave your kind of mean,
My vice is your voice, I beg you to breathe,

Cut me, seductive, my heart stuck to your sleeve,
Don’t trust me, please lust me, just fucking give in,

Fuck you, I won’t love you, this time you win,

Take space, take a mile, keep keeping me near,

Smiling I skip back bound by hope and by fear,

So I’ll lie, say my sheets solicit more than your skin, 

Miss you and the devil, love, your blonde broker of sin. 

Impatient

Slow down impatient girl,
You’re running too fast,
You push so hard to get in,
You break right through the glass,
And still you wonder why you bleed,
Chasing away everything that you need
You watch me shoot whiskey like I think this is fun
While my demons rejoice in what I’ve become,
My soul is tired, I put in work to stay numb,
Arm wrestled the devil and that bastard has won,
I'm a drunk, I'm a lush, I'm a blonde broker of sin
Can’t find where your heart ends or where mine begins
I rise each morning crash to my knees by days end,
Life is fucking cheap when its your soul that you spend.
Megan Jean Forrest

Stars

Keep passing me by,
-One day at a time-
Still ripped away.
Out of control
-Smooth on the surface-
No ripples disturb the pond.
-Glassy-
Glossy eyes gaze through haze
High above the world.
Even so high,
It's not much better up here.
Heaven is so far away
-In the palm of my hand-
Cannot make a fist
Too far to reach
-Without going to far-
Point of no return
In vision
Wanting to go there
Cannot
-You can never come back
Maybe Heaven
Isn't all that it's cracked up to be
Another short ride
-Flying high-
Empty once it's over.
I thought I heard you there once
Voice so clear
-I thought you were in my head
Could you see my thoughts?
Understood.
You could not be
Then it was gone-
-Desperation-
Slowly slipping back
Reality
Not Sanity.
If I made it
Perhaps I could
-Find a way-
Come back
You couldn't see me,
Hear me.
Could you
-Feel me?-
I am right here
Maybe its better
Not to return at all
Halfway between here and Heaven
-Hell-
Hopefully not forever.
Here I am for now
Still trying to grasp the stars
Without leaving the ground.

Caring Is

Caring is….
There is no simple answer. Part of caring is being the one who is willing to dig deeper to find an answer, to go a step farther to give comfort, to be the last one standing in a room full of fleeing people to make sure the last person there has a hand to grab onto. Caring is walking up to the cliff’s edge when no one else will come near the ledge, but still maintaining a level head at the same time. (However, if you put a level on my head that little bubble would be WAY off center.) Caring is having a voice that others can hear above the roar of life. Caring is recognizing the unique soul in each of us but remembering to embrace what joins us all as human beings. Caring is knowing that a sober face isn’t always the correct one, that sometimes a tear on your cheek allows someone to see that you are not just another faceless robot on an isolated highway. Caring is being a part of someone’s happiness, sharing their sadness, giving them a safe place to express their anger, their fear, frustration, weakness, hopes, and dreams. It is owning your mistakes and learning from them, and using what you have learned to try again. It is not being afraid to say you are afraid, and asking for help when you do not know how to proceed on your own. Caring is knowing the difference between needing to keep a secret, when to confide, and when to protect. Caring is knowing that the best way for me may not be the best way, however I will give you a damn good argument why it should be! Caring is realizing that sometimes you need to shut the hell up and listen, and that sometimes silence and offering a hand to hold is the best way to be heard. Caring is hugging, holding, and giving space. Caring is looking for the light in people when everyone else sees only their darkness, and hoping you can show that person how their light shines out of the cracks in their soul. It can be a very dark world, but even the smallest beam of light can illuminate and entire room if you allow your eyes, and heart, to adjust to the glow. It takes patience, but also knowing that some things require a sense of urgency. Caring is not losing hope or giving up, but knowing there is a difference between giving up and letting the universe take control of what you cannot. Caring is also remembering that you must care for yourself if you are to be able to care for another. For a long long time I let that detail derail my life, my soul, my heart. I had to learn that despite my faults, my stumbles, my shortcomings, I am worth love. You are all worth love. Love is the only hope.
Lots of love to you all.
Megan 2009

Ironworker.

I want you to know that your touch blisters my skin,
I want you to know I will feel nothing better than that again,
I want you to know your words try to cut me so deep,
But I want you to know they don’t hurt my sleep,
I want you to know you try to rip me to shreds,
But I want you to know that from pain you were led,
I want you to know when you try to tear me down,
It is your pain that scrapes my knees when I fall to the ground,
I want you to know when you raise your fists to protect your heart,
I can see that your cracks permeated your soul from the start,
I want you to know while you try to break my legs,
I know you just needed a soul next to you that you did not need to beg,
I want you to know while you aim your torch and burn my tears,
The very same fire inside you murdered my doubts, destroyed my fear,
Do you know your screams of rage you use to push me away,
Sound the same as your cries as you plead me to stay?
Do you know the sound of the beat of your heart when you run,
Mimics the sound of your love making and the sound of a gun?
Do you know I don’t blame you or your knife for gutting my soul,
Of course you don’t believe you’ve been raked through the coals,
One thing you do know is the sound of my relief and my sigh,
The way the world melts away when you fill me with lies,
You can feel my body tremble and that sick sweet release,
My true loves are criminals, I give my heart away to you beautiful thief.

Thief

This wasn’t my plan,
His wasn’t my sickness,
These weren't my dreams,
These were his wishes,
I was just a little girl,
I was just playing dolls,
Before becoming this monster,
I sang and skipped down the hall,
He stole my playtime,
He shattered my soul,
My dolls became demons,
My playground a hole,
There used to be laughter,
Blonde hair in the sun,
There’s not enough bleach,
To clean up what he’s done,
His hands were dirty,
His soul was as well,
A sweet blue eyed angel,
Whom he sentenced to hell,
My smile now as forced and fake,
Like the face of those dolls,
My stare as dead and empty,
My blood poured down that hall.

Silence

In the cold sober light of a Colorado morning,
His silence rolled in without a warning,
His feelings were gone like the heat from the ashes,
Her memories of the fire hit her in flashes,
Just barely Moments after the embers are cool,
She’s reeling and tripping and acting a fool,
After all who was she to question his fears
I must have dreamed it she chokes through her tears
The quiet is awkward now they are apart
Together it was replaced with the beat of their hearts,
And the touch of his hands on the back of her thighs,
The silence was filled with what now wounds like lies,
Meant to deceive by a theif of hearts,
Silly to take what she handed over in the dark,
A bolt of lightening a flash in the pan
Once solid ground where she can now barely stand
1000 dayss, so happy alone and now this,
Three years on her own but she would have been his
Its cost too much just to turn back now,
He walks away without effort, she does not understand how.