Goodday

 Grief is wild experience. Gutted raw one moment, blood rushing through my beating heart, doubled over, sobbing, feeling as if my rib cage might crack open for the world to see... numb the next, blackness, stillness, staring at an empty by canvas just waiting for the next emotion to paint the next scene... (and man can I make a scene, just ask my family or those I let close to me.) In the next instant I succumb to feelings of pure joy, laughing and smiling as I drift through the memories of kindness, connection and love. Overwhelming gratitude fills my soul, that a life has touched mine so deeply. I try to pause to thank the universe for those rare people who come into my life and show me grace and share wisdom and their truth.  I feel so vulnerable and open... and just as quickly I am then usurped by fear and utter disbelief. I feel it all at once, and then in a moment I feel nothing at all. I don’t know how to do this, to walk through this without something to put me on autopilot. My body feels clumsy and awkward, and I don’t know what to do with my hands or feet.  I begin to understand how beautiful that unknown can be.  I am in awe by how much power there is in love, a power that prevails over even the greatest pain. It must, or we would never ever open our hearts to one another and risk the tidal waves of emotion that come when it is time to say “until we meet again.” I am so incredibly lucky, or maybe stupid, or maybe brave, or all of the above, to believe with all my being that love is the most powerful energy ever created. I am so humbled to stand at a place in my life where I have been given the gift of understanding that pain is temporary, and it only exists in such a raw and borderline violent form because today I have real love, and I have relentless hope, and I have been given the grace of forgiveness and a heart that is soft but strong. My heart is broken, but I am still whole. Yes, grief is a wild emotion, but love truly binds the Universe together. I love you, my friends. Thank you for sharing your lives with me.  💔♥️