Just Friends

Emotions often elicit ideas, 

Push me ahead of myself, 

Hyper focused on him,

Can’t see anyone else, 

My thoughts they go crazy,

Dare not speak of forever, 

Fearful and unsteady I waiver,

Retreat and say something clever, 

Hide the shock on my face, 

He still smiles every time that he sees me,

That his mind hasn’t yet changed,

See my past and his hands round my neck hasn’t freed me,

I have never belonged to smile or a touch, 

That wasn’t broken, but steady and stable,

I have never been kissed by lips I could trust,

I have been willing but I have never been able,

To set aside my pain, placation and pride,

Spent my life always looking over one shoulder,

Still, I stop holding my breath,

When he pulls me in closer,

Lose myself just a little,

How he can quiet my mind,

Make me forget I’ve been broken, 

Used and left far behind,

It was all just a figment in my head,

Over and over told not to attach, 

I’ve never followed the rules,

Contracts and bridges burned down with one match,

He disconnects in the blink of an eye,

Reluctantly, I reel my hope right back in,

I don’t regret when he held my hand tight,  

Even if we have to let go of “just friends.”