It rattles like a freight train, 

A frantic fever burning in my head, 

With Lucifer I play a wait game, 

Before the rush I'm seeing red.

There seems to be no end in sight, 

Our body count begins to rise, 

This demon claws at me with all its might, 

Indecipherable, me from my disguise.

My escape, a quick and simple plan, 

Evade the darkness in my life,

With greed my soul it now demands,  

I must choose a needle or a knife. 

Disgusts me how I feel inside, 

The shame, the guilt, the fear,

Wasn’t it today we took that ride?

How did yesterday become a year?

I've told you how I'm oh so sorry, 

Over and again I pay this debt, 

They think my life's an endless party, 

Honest truth? It is just regret.

You don't believe I miss your smile, 

Matter of fact, I miss mine too, 

You see, its been missing for quite awhile, 

Sometimes I think it left with you.

I'm uncertain I've left any hope, 

My past overshadows the best in me,

Weary hands bleed, clinging to this rope,

Tomorrow remains impossible to see.

For you and I, I hate me just enough, 

Every day I struggle to forget why, 

I’m afraid and honesty is so tough,

I’m only safe within this lie.

To lie here in sweet silence, 

For a moment I escape the screaming in my soul, 

Did you know the Devil ain’t so good with guidance? 

Try to fill the void with another hole. 

Please don’t fret, do not waste worry, 

Tonight I am inside, and I’m not cold, 

For just today I don't have to hurry, 

Addiction has not yet killed my body,

It has only claimed my soul.

Megan J Forrest, 

March 13th, 2019